Cheerleader Lesson 3: It ain't my fault and How to Improve Self-Confidence

It ain't my fault, as Mystical would say. He was one of the mega rap stars in my day. That is the attitude you must have when a player hater tells you that you only made the cheer leading team because of who you know. They will begin to berate you about being a part of handpicking, a terrible cheerleader tradition if

I do say so myself. Man was I crushed, stuck shouldering the disgrace of having a connected family in town and just wishing I could get hands on my auditions’ scores to know the truth. I had not been informed of my hook up and once I really thought about it, I became even more saddened at the thought that I didn't care. Cheer-leading has been my life since I convinced my elementary

school cheer coach that I had to be on the team as an underage 4th grader, seeing as at Catholic School, you just pay your money and tell them whatever age you want. My folks enrolled me a wee bit early into Kindergarten and Ms. Smith said I was “just too young”. So I nudged and convinced her and offered my services in the form of a year’s worth of bulletin board stapling for an audition, after which she invited me to the squad.

Now, 12 years since my first cheerleader audition, knowing that I have beat odds and have tried out for various squads and competition teams and routine auditions for years and after 3 years of being a University level cheerleader, I begin to feel the insecurities of being a non-tumbling cheerleader.

I had been on a National Champion Cheer Squad with nothing more than a shaky round off and a back bend. I accepted what the individual delivering the message was telling me- as validation of my terribleness as a cheerleader and maybe now even, my terrible character. I had always admittedly tried so hard to make people like me, to not ruffle feathers and to be everybody's girl. Can you say INSECURE? Don't judge me, but hey, it was the truth. I look back. I can see behaviors that were not mine at all, but inherited from people that I wanted to impress.

It had been years since my first audition, so why did I even care?

After a week or so of lamenting, feeling bad for myself, wishing I could just hide, I shared with a close friend what I was "going through". This friend fell out laughing at me, and asked if this information came from someone else who had tried out at the same time as I. I said, “yes”. She asked if I wanted to turn in my uniform and quit something I loved so much because of some rumor. Of course, I said no. Ironically, at the time I was one of the team captains. I had worked with a cheerleader stealth crew to secure new uniforms and managed to maintain my spot on the squad for 3 years. Hey, what a hook up, huh?

Here's the thing...When you believe that you have something you always will have it.

As I looked at that situation and each time that I had to try out, I noted that my sheer will and determination to make the squad is what got me there- not necessarily skill. There have been many a US President (ahem actor Raegan)., business owners (Richard Branson) and entertainers that were not necessarily the most talented or the most qualified, but took the position, rocked it and multiplied it, because they believed the position was theirs.

I remember just knowing deep inside that I would be a college cheerleader someday, at whatever college I choose and never second guessing that for a second.

As I continued with my new life journal, it became evident that there was no room for a cheerleader to try to make people like them. It will never happen. First of all there are only 5, 10, maybe 15 spots available on the team, so the moment that you step out and sign up, you are saying, “I will beat someone here and I don't care if they don't like me”. Don't let those adorable bows and cute little skirts fool you. Cheerleaders are hard-core competitors and at the end of it, it is you or them. Win or lose. Nothing else is allowed.

EVERYONE won't like you.

You will have to beat someone out to get what you want.

You will have to believe that no matter what convention, skill, and expertise you have you still deserve to have your "IT”. And the moment that you doubt that you and your "IT" are the shit and well worth all accolade, award and treasure are the moment that you hit the mat, pull a muscle and start to get out of whack. So, if they, he, she, your mama, your daddy, your boo, husband, best friend, or YOU are in your head or face saying you aren't worth it, you aren't good enough, just know hey "they are haters"  and YOU have to cheer on your Self-Confidence to take your WIN.

Ms. Lisa Nichols says, “Give permission yourself to shine in front of anybody else”.

The hate was apparent, as this person was at the very same audition and didn't make it, so was it that or that I was a privileged brat? Either way, I GOT WHAT I WANTED.

  Definition of hater: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=hater

A person who cannot simply be happy for another person's success. So rather than be happy they make a point of exposing a flaw in that person. 

Hating, the result of being a hater, is not exactly jealousy. The hater doesn’t really want to be the person he or she hates, rather the hater wants to knock some else downs a notch.

Susan: You know, Kevin from accounting is doing very well. He just bought a house in a very nice part of town. 

Jane (hater): If he is doing so well why does he drive that '89 Taurus?

As you take time for your very own self-discovery, which means, YOU ARE JOURNALIST, you become entertained with your own stories as well as learn from your past feelings, pain and emotions. You’ll learn what makes you tick, what makes you happy and WHAT matters. At almost 40 I can safely say that people liking you as you think they should will never happen. You have to like you enough to go for what you want no matter what, maintain good character, and accept your win without recourse.
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True Self-Confidence is the only way, as “they won’t like you anyway”.

Mika Terry

Posted in: Life Lessons, Self Confidence